The Duoly blog

What wears a couple down, what holds it together, and what you can concretely do about it. In-depth articles on communication, mental load, attachment and desire — grounded in published research, cited with its authors.

The four behaviors that damage a relationship the most

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling: the four patterns identified by John Gottman's research on couples, what they produce, and what to replace them with.

08/17/2026

The mental load in a relationship: recognizing it and sharing it

What the mental load really is, why "just ask me and I'll do it" makes it worse instead of lighter, and the only division that works over time.

08/17/2026

Attachment theory: why you don't react the same way

Secure, anxious, avoidant: what attachment research explains about your reactions as a couple, and why some pairs lock into the same script.

08/17/2026

Why desire fades in a settled relationship

Spontaneous and responsive desire, habituation, the tension between security and eroticism: what research offers to understand a drop in desire without dramatizing it.

08/17/2026

Better communication in a relationship: what research shows

Bids for attention, how you react to good news, the opening of a difficult conversation: four research findings more useful than the usual advice.

08/17/2026

Couple rituals hold up better than good resolutions

Why a small daily appointment produces more effect than a big occasional evening, and the three conditions that let a ritual survive a busy week.

08/17/2026

Arguing without destroying each other

Soft start-up, repair attempts, flooding, perpetual disagreements: what John Gottman's research shows about getting through an argument without damaging the relationship.

08/17/2026